Happy Magic Monday!
A couple of weeks ago I shared with you all how things have been evolving over at Magical Soul Bitch HQ. About how rapid things were moving for me and I was beginning to go into a space that was lacking in the creativity department because of how busy I was with my Personalized Moon Readings, Natal Charts, blogging and everything else it takes to run a business on your own.
And I shared with you how I made the very vulnerable decision to lessen my work load this month during a very heavy Eclipse season and Mercury Retrograde. And in the middle of massive momentum in my business.
Creating space in your schedule sounds pretty divine right? Perhaps maybe when you know you can coast on your extra large cushion of endless funds and it'll all be okay. Perhaps if you have a team of people that can keep the show running.
I created space but I still had shit to do as a current one woman show with prior work commitments, a not entirely minuscule cushion, but an overwhelmed and overstimulated brain, at less than one year in business as Magical Soul Bitcheswhich had recently gained more momentum than ever before since late July.
Believe me, I do NOT wear that as some sort of badge of honor, it's actually fairly "stupid" according to all the business experts out there, but I'm not some "bossbabe" kind of brand (at least right now) anyway. BUT, I also am pretty damn self aware and know that a slow burn approach to most things is my style, and I also like to get familiar with as many facets of what I'm doing, even the not so fun parts.
For me, this process has been how I've been fostering intimacy with and FACING MY SHIT. So my two cents there is, use your discernment. You know you best. And give yourself a break if you've been running yourself tired. I think it's just part of the damn process and it can't be avoided if your truly want to create something that means something. And it's how you learn your preferences.
Again, I ain't saying kill yourself with work. Nope. Not at all. I'm saying take that break, or that slow down before that complete burn out hits you.
Which is what I did. I was well aware that the pace I was going was not sustainable so I said NO, before I could get the that point of severe exhaustion that cripples. Or worse, the business becomes something that was not "me".
Following the Moon, partaking in monthly rituals and staying incredibly self-ware with my body was how I knew when I needed to LISTEN, take the action and slow down.
It was hard. I'm not going to lie. At that point I was used to being very busy. I was scared, as I shared, about losing momentum. That how I chose to show up during this time would not be enough for my community. That they would want more and grow to resent me because I was not giving and serving as I once had.
I had to face that fear.
And the world did not fall apart. But yes, I felt the anxiety. I felt the stuckness. I was angry that no brilliant ideas where suddenly shooting out from the ethers and into my brain. I was frustrated that I couldn't shake the feeling of the should I "should" have been doing right way.
It took longer than I "thought" it would to create S P A C E. Because I was already putting a time frame on things like inspiration, which is SO not the point of slowing down to begin with. Oh the irony. I deep down knew that I always need lots and lots more time to transition than most people and that I have yet to master my own process of detachment when it comes to work.
I'll get there. I'll figure it out as long as I don't stay in a freak out. So will you. If it's one thing this very intense Lunar Eclipse in Pisces taught me and a lot of the magical bitches I know out there, it's to have faith.
It was only up until late last week did I start to actually FEEL the space open up within me. Where I settled into the newer schedule and pace.
I did not get a lot of things that I wanted to get done, done. In an ideal world I would have finished 3 books I'm trying to read and study from, come up with 3 new products/services and been at least half way done with them, caught up on all the work I have not done for the self-study magic course I'm in, and I don't know ...let's throw in a totally rebrand in there too.
Just because you give yourself permission to have space, doesn't mean it will all be rainbows and roses and you won't go through some hiccups in the transition. And we actually have to give ourselves the permission to accept that. Cause the more we try to fight that, it's like thrashing around in quicksand wondering what on earth we could possibly be doing wrong to keep on sinking like this and subsequently suffocating.
Collectively speaking the world is going through SOME SHIT. And everyone is feeling it, but my fellow sensitives reallyyyyyy really need to factor the effect of it all in since we are likely feeling all the feelings on top of our own feelings.
I swear to goddess at one I was about to throw down a one way ticket for $500 for a flight to North Dakota to see for myself what the hell is going on with the destruction and abuse of Native American sacred ground and culture and the pipeline. I'm still here in NY so obviously I didn't go through with that but you never know what could happen next.
That crescendo sensation I was speaking about last week in relation to the feeling associate with the Full Moon Lunar Eclipse in Pisces had me considering all kinds of radical actions. To be honest though, I'm glad I chilled the fuck out with the action taking as Mercury Retrograde in Virgo (it goes direct on Thursday! woo hoo) really began to show up for me in many ways that has lead me to greater self-awareness than before. And proved to myself that I don't need to go half way across the country or world to gain more self-knowledge NOW (although it would be nice and I plan to gain THAT kind of self-knowledge as soon as possible).
A strange thing happens when you turn to the stars for guidance. YOU are entirely reflected back to YOU. What you notice in the archetypes of the stars, you begin to notice within yourself. You breathe into a greater intimacy of self that is not often reachable through modern societal teachings.
What I have found is that I most certainly don't know a lot or as much as I would like to know. I have a lot of work and studying and testing to do, but for what feels like the first time in my life I'm nervously excited about not knowing exactly what I'm doing and give very little fucks about being the expert (I still have some lingering ego trips on that though!)
And I have no doubt that that is because what ever it is that I am doing in this moment with my career is aligned as fuck right now even if it's not like "THE THING" yet I'm "supposed" to be doing (does anybody even think that place exists anymore?)
When you get sick and tired of being scared shitless by your ego into in-action time and time again, eventually go into this crazy weird type of surrender and some kind of magic happens which I call the NO FUCKS/ALL THE FUCKS phenomenon...or it could be a zone too. This is just a working theory; when you stop giving all the fucks, you start to give all the fucks about those coveted "right" things. Those things that are more you than the rest.
In my time of slowing down and lightening my work loud I've come to a greater willingness to accept some things:
1) I am still undercharging my services. This was really fucking hard. I want to keep the work I do accessible and be of service because I know what I am doing is really helping others awaken to themselves... but I also know I need to create more financial stability and not be burned out in order grow and to make real the vision I have for Magical Soul Bitches, and for it to truly be the actual brand and energy you deserve. This is the Saturian REAL world energy I talk about so often in these emails and in my readings.
2) Some of these ideas I have WILL TAKE MORE TIME to develop should I so choose them.
3) Some of these things will likely fail, but there is a roof over my head, food in my tummy, and I have money to pay my bills and that is something to be immensely appreciative of no matter the other circumstances around me and to stop freaking out about any lack WOULD BE GREAT for me. This is nature of entrepreneurship.
4) This path I'm currently on was like really not in the plans, but it was the stepping stone that opened me up to embracing my own power and talent and confidence.
5) I have served almost 100 different people with my Moon reading work, mostly through private readings but also through the collective readings AND THAT IS ACTUALLY FUCKING AMAZING. I was actually afraid to tally it up. Cause it meant facing that I had a part in that many peoples lives and shared my often times very vulnerable work with them. And loads of them have been repeat customers.
6) It's okay to not have any fucking clue how to navigate new territory, but compassionate support makes it way easier.
7) My body needs even more love than ever.
8) Space, space and more space is what allows the ideas and the creativity to surge and it as equally as important as doing the hard labor.
9) I can not do this alone.
I wanted to share this with you, because this actually does come from a really genuine place and is not some bullshit I decided to write to keep you engaged.....and because I wouldn't be actually helping anyone if I kept my mouth shut and didn't follow my intuition or let these words flow out of me.
They are practically writing me. And I've never written quite from this place before. And I've been writing consistently here for YEARS.
Something has certainly broken open within me. And I'm fairly certain it's because I've fostered and indulged my intuition much deeper than ever before and given dark love for all my greatest and sickest desires than I ever did before.
I've come to know and understand that not everyone who relishes in these messages and energy has to become a lightworker or shadow worker. That every one, no matter where they are at can apply to this to ANY situation they are experiencing and it's part of my responsibility to take what lights my soul on fire and share it, not from ego but from "Holy FUCK do we fucking need something fucking radically different out there, more than ever."
And to be honest, I've fought so hard to get into this place of feeling "too legit to quit" and I'll only stop if my soul ever tells me too.
And this my magical bitches is what happens when you slow down with conscious intention and knowingness:
your actual Intuition breathes life into you, again.
I'm still breathing though, and I'll continue to work with a lighter work load to make sure I'm honoring what I need right now.
So, look out here for extremely limited spots to open up mid week for Personalized Readings for the New Moon in Libra. I'm going to share and open the cart here first before making it public.
More to come later this week, love you all, thank you <3