Full Permission...

Happy Witch Wednesday!

I'm going to be very transparent right now. I've had a HELL of a hard time the last few days. My body has been yammering on. My psyche has been trying to tell me something. My ego has been bitching like a mother fucker. 

Does anybody else feel the same? That damn Full Moon ...

Anyways, why am I sharing this? Well it's most certainly not to complain and say woe is me, everything sucks (because in fact, in most certainly does not!). 

I'm sharing because all this very very very intense energy has been trying to send me a message that I didn't fully embrace until today. 

It's about a few things, but mostly full self permission and to make contact with a deeper level of intuition that had been calling out to be seen. 

The past quarter months have been moving very rapidly for me, and to a certain extent I've been running on autopilot with a lot of things. I'm a one woman show, so basically everything (no, actually everything) falls on me. It's overwhelming. And at times doesn't leave much...space. And I'm a woman who LOVES space. 

I'm talking S P A C E. The kind of space where you aren't thinking about "all of the things" and preparing for what's coming next. I'm talking actual space for creativity to flow, to be nourished, for skills outside the topic at hand to be mastered that actually has a side effect of enhancing ALL THINGS. I'm talking about space to explore way farther. I'm talking space to explore my alignment. 

Confession: I haven't given myself  FULL PERMISSION to say "no", to take an ACTUAL break, to create space.

Yes, Maybe I've done those things but they've been shrouded with a layer of mist called guilt, shame, shoulds and what ifs.
 

And that's the thing, you can give yourself permission to DO a thing but that doesn't mean you have given FULL PERMISSION to BE the thing.

Make sense? 

See, I've been so caught up in making sure I keep the momentum going out of FEAR of losing it that I had a very hard time giving myself FULL EMBODIED PERMISSION to just...BE. To have that s p a c e.

And today I gave it to myself. My body was literally SCREAMING at me. Pain, fatigue, a delayed period causing some of the worst PMS I've had in a long time causing lots of anger and irritation. Holy fuck was it INTENSE. And so I stopped.

So I thought shit...there really is no good reason (as in no dramatic external factor) that was causing this anger, depression and irritation to be happening. I've been self aware...going through work and "rest" etc, etc. But there was still that missing link I wasn't full listening to. So my body and emotions had to get clever in order for me to LISTEN.

Thus the crazy ass past few days I've had, my intuition was trying to get me to slow down even more and really PAUSE. And pause without guilt or shame. 

I tapped into my resources (healers on call ^-^) and surrendered fully to them so that this DANG message could come out. And there the vision was:

Of a plane with a heavy fog draped over it, hovering. And I at first I though "No" I don't need this heavy protection anymore but as I began to explore the nature of this fog I began to see myself walk through it's opaque-ness and shift the flow. I watched it swirl about. I watched me move through it effortlessly in a black dress, like a gothic fairy tale. And then I layed down beneath it, onto the cool damp green grass that I now could see. And there I saw myself beginning to write into the fog with my finger. I began to see my breath move it. I began to see the fog and mist was the canvas my intuition was asking me to write on and to also receive what's coming next.

It was kind of trippy to see this, no doubt. But it was the closest I have ever come to REALLY seeing that intuition home space THAT clearly. 

I would have never had seen the vision if my body & emotions didn't provoke me the way that it. I never would have seen it if I didn't turn to my resources and toolkits, but instead ignored it to the point of numbness, denial or...rock bottom. 

YES. These emotions were intense. As you become more open to your psyche, your intuition...they do become more intense but it's because they try to grab your attention much quicker so that it doesn't "run away with you" and cause endless turmoil (like how it did in the past for me). 

I knew this time was DIFFERENT (like many things in my current life) but I had to CHOOSE: Allow the previous cycle to perpetuate or be really tired of my own shit and in doing so allow the full surrender of FULL PERMISSION to ...trust what I have been feeling, sensing, and now...SEEING. 

I'm working on not having to "believe" it in order to still trust it. I'm not sure about you but...A lot of times believing a thing comes with trying to make sense of it. Trying to make sense of a thing often delays the penetration of it and the taking action upon it. Trying to make sense can be a distraction. 

I'm going to try trusting what I see first, so that it goes a little further, a little faster in doing it's work on re-wiring my systems. Which I have been finding immensely helpful in actually dissolving..limiting beliefs (THE IRONY) Before I realized that was even happening!!! 

So here is what I will leave you with...what if you gave yourself FULL PERMISSION to just go with the intuitive hit you had, the sensations you're feeling, the calling to rest (or take action)...what if you gave yourself that FULL PERMISSION just once for today. What if you stopped trying to make sense of it intellectually and instead just...SENSED. 

What if you let yourself make the appointment for the coaching session, astrology reading, reiki session, healing...whatever...what if you let yourself utilize those tools and resources? 

Ask WHAT IF about more potent ponderings....not the distracting ones.

Perhaps you'll get one step closer to the you within. To the thing waiting to be created, birthed, expressed. 

What if that ONE moment of FULL PERMISSION opens you up to something entirely gorgeously shocking.

There is so much support out there for you. Including me. Healers need healers. Lovers need lovers. Friends need friends. And so the cycle goes.

xoxo Magical Soul Bitches...love you <3

Nikki

p.s We have sold out for the New Moon Solar Eclipse Virgo readings! Thank you SO MUCH AGAIN. I'll be working on new offerings throughout the fall and I'm so excited for what this S P A C E will create ::winky wink::