This past week I participated in a lovely Meditation challenge involving some of the most popular Angel archetypes ( check out bethkatherine.com to find out more about the amazing Goddess who hosted us in this Challenge).
Normally I do not deal in the realm of "Angels and Guides" etc...I sort of just FEEL shit and words formulate themselves in my brain to make sense of what I'm vibing with. If I'm being totally honest, the term "Angel" feels a little religious to me so that's why I shied away from going there.
BUT I've been apart of Beth's group for a while, and I know she's the real deal in how she communicates with the Universe. Like me, she feels shit too and has mastered translating it to us. So, I DIG THAT SHIT because I can relate.
Anyways, I decided to give this a shot...it's been a while since I've tried to explore the goddess, angels archetypes so I thought "Why not? I'm in a much different place than I was before so perhaps I will show up differently."
And I did. The imagery I picked up on doing the meditations were much more vivid than previous and also my body just felt SO much more open to receiving.
I'll save the details for another day, or perhaps you can go experience Beth's beautiful guided meditations for yourself (sign up for her newsletter, she's releasing a WHOLE Meditation album!).
After the end of one of them meditations I was finally able to PUT TO WORDS something I was feeling and wanted to talk about but wasn't clear on how. So here it is:
Consciously CHOOSING not to expend your energy on something is not the same as being numb to something.
See, as you go on this journey of self knowledge..you find that certain things that bothered you before on a very visceral level do not carry the same kind of weight.
And sometimes that can be weird as shit. Sometimes you can think "OMG ...am I like numb? Do I not have feelings anymore? AM I COLD HEARTED BITCH?"
As it turns out, you may very well not be a cold hearted bitch, you may just be more CHOOSY and DISCERNING about where and how much energy you are expending on situations.
And that's fucking cool, don't you think? I did when I recently realized for myself a certain situation I recently encountered would have REALLY shook me up...I would have felt nervous, anxious, preoccupied and over-caring and upset and over thinking it and DOOMSDAYING the shit out of it.
Naturally the human part of me was like "Um yo, this is something people feel bad about yah?" ....When I really checked in with myself...of course I felt "bad" about it, of course it was of a concern to me...but it didn't go beyond that. It didn't consume me, when it easily could have and for good reason.
Instead when I really self inquired, I found I was consciously choosing not to expend energy beyond that. It had nothing to do with me being numb to it.
And that's SUPER important for us in the self-help world where everyone wants to tell you to only think loving thoughts when you feel like shit and all that jazz(it is very possible to become numb if you do that by the way).
I felt my shit, I felt those emotions...those uncomfortable ones. And I could have REALLY taken it to a whole other level, or I really could have completely shut it off.
But I didn't....I was truly being discerning with my energy, my feelings and my emotions. Again, very different than being numb. Being numb is where you stuff that shit, shut it off and generally feel lackadaisical about your emotions.
I'm the kind of woman who gives no fucks, yet also gives plenty of fucks. I live in that duality and because of that I have now reached a space in my life where I'm able to consciously choose how many fucks I give!
Ain't that grand?
Anyways, I was going to try to break this down for you into some tangible steps so you can see where you're at with consciously choosing vs. numbness.
So here's the best way to break it downt:
When you consciously choose how much energy to expend, you give fucks but not too many that it's all consuming your psyche. You're able to process what happened with a birds eye view and pick out where your prey is with golden precision.
When you are "numb" (btw I don't really believe we are numb, I just think we IGNORE), deep down you probably give fucks but are choosing to ignore the whole shebang. Aka you are a drunk bird flying. Drunk birds don't land well. Drunk birds kind of have an idea of whats going on but are too far gone to know what to do. Drunk birds don't get to eat. Drunk birds also probably end up in a ditch somewhere, alone and feeling hella shitty. Then they over compensate by feeling all the things and going straight edge.
To be honest I have no idea where I got the bird comparison from, but I'm sticking with it.
So loves! I want to hear from you!!! Have you been able to experience the difference between consciously choosing where to expend your energy (which can be uncomfortable, especially when it's new) and when you are "numbing"? How do you think you can move into a space where you consciously choose? Let me know! Chat with me over in the Highly Sensitive Warrior Facebook group!! (click the purple button below!)
P.S. I'll be in MEXICO next week!! Woo hooo for getting out of the freezing cold of New York for some warm fuzzies and sun!! But anyways, there likely will not be a newsletter for next week, unless some brilliant idea strikes me this week and I schedule it (not usually how I roll, I like to keep these babies in the present!). I'm not sure I'll have much internet access so let's play as much as possible this week!! <3